That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
my shit smells like andre
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize