I think I can smell my own vagina right now
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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