I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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