Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize