Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
