his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
So squirting runs in the family.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
