how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize