having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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