I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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