I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
