i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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