i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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