Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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