My Higher Power is John Stamos
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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