My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
