i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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