I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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