You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
