she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
