put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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