I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
