textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
