wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
