She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My liver just broke up with me...
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
