I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
