You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
