I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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