Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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