Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
