Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
