Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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