I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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