Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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