I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
