you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
