so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
