once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
