That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
