my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
