i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
