I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Randomize
