too bad you live with your parents still
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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