it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
