just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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