Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
