it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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