I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
