I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
