she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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