You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
