Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
