I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
