Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
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