"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
