respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
