I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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