We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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