My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
