only if we run a train.
done.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
