She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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