i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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