So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
