thus making me awesome and them whores
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
try to milk me bitch
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