You're earring is so big in my mouth
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
