hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Randomize
