You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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