im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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