Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
