worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
