hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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