Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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