I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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