New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
