i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
