Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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