She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
